Untitled # 4
I woke up under a sky of troubled gray
To a reminder of you, your eyes, your soul, your smile, and that awful day
My heart still aches after all this time
The hurt resurfaced, the pain, the disappointment
It’s at its prime
Is it the same
Am I back at the beginning
That awful beginning
Does it have the claim
Time has passed
Yes it has passed
So why am I still so strained
I’ve spent much time to lay a rest
Our bond that did not past the test
The four year old sleeps among the lazy Sundays
Shooting Stars
Strawberry Ice cream
Adventures in a blue Honda car
The child plays in the warmth of our best memories
It’s only in the past can the little hands find peace in our balance and symmetry
I’ve mourned our death
I’ve found beauty in our love’s wreck
So this suffering
Am I back at my lover’s wrath
Will my heart never rest
In circles I will never move forward
To cut the cord
This agony I must move toward
You see
I have no dress
No first dance
No witnesses
No paper
No wedding band
There were no vows to be exchanged out loud
They were made in silence among the white daises, a blue sky, and wisping clouds
The only proof I have of our union
Is in the heart of this old woman
The commitment I made was forever
No diamond could of made that clearer
I did not give you a love of a girlfriend
I loved you like a lover should
The hurt, the agony, the anger, the pain
It’s in the cold dismissal
The replacement
The broken silver chain
I gave you my all
I never saw it coming
Some say love blinds
It’s another something
To have you belittle my love so quickly
To hear you say: “this is the end, girlfriend”
This Unfairness
That is what is making me so sickly
To break up
That was not an option
You divorced me
That was the killing concoction
Shu Lan Tang © 2006